Four Psychological Principles for Mental Health in the Holidays
The holidays are a busy time, infused with tradition, obligations and meaning. For many people, this time of year involves fatigue, irritability and overconsumption, as well as joy, togetherness and celebration. Packed schedules, pressure on relationships, and changes in routine can take a toll on mental health and wellbeing. However, there are evidence based principles from psychology which can help us cultivate connection, calm and care over this period of time.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Our basic needs are the foundation of our mental health, including physical and psychological safety, sleep, nutrition, and movement. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, these are the foundational levels. It is common for the holidays to disrupt self care routines and healthy habits.
Make sure to go “back to basics” and focus on these building blocks of health and wellbeing over the holidays. Winter also presents its own unique challenges in terms of colder weather and shorter, darker days; often more intentionality and planning is needed to maintain daily activities such as exercise and time outside.
Positive Psychology and the Benefits of Creativity
Positive Psychology has shown the importance of imagination and creativity for our mental health - both as a self care practice which brings us into flow state, and as a way of orienting to the world. Often, we can continue to participate in holiday traditions and social scripts, even when they do not align with our values or needs.
The weeks leading us to the holidays are the perfect time to reevaluate how we approach the holidays, and reshape them. Perhaps you can create a holiday intention such as “simplicity” or “connection”, which can become the filter for the aspects of tradition which you keep or discard.
The Balance of Acceptance and Action
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a psychotherapy approach rooted in mindfulness; it encourages a balance between the acceptance of the present moment and values-driven action towards our goals. Trying to “control the controllables” and accept everything else is a helpful strategy for stressful periods such as the holidays.
The psychologist and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach argues that radically accepting situations that are outside of our control can reduce unnecessary suffering: “pain is not wrong... reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness”. Connecting mindfully and compassionately with our experiences is the first step to deciding what needs to be changed, and what must be accepted. Coping mantras can help us acknowledge “what is”:
It is what it is.
I can’t change what’s happened.
I can accept things the way they are.
I can get through this.
Compassionate Boundaries
Boundaries can be understood as the space between you and the other person - physically, emotionally and psychologically. They are the limit where you begin and the other person ends, and healthy boundaries create stable and positive relationships. As Brene Brown writes, “boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and love me simultaneously”.
Establishing boundaries is a lifelong and evolving process, which becomes easier with practice. First you must identify the boundary which you would like to set. When you notice feeling frustrated or resentful towards a person or situation, this is often a sign you need to set a firmer boundary. For example, you might decide you do not want to discuss your weight with family at a holiday gathering. A relevant boundary could be: “I will not not discuss my weight at the party, and will leave any conversation where it is continually brought up”. This limit is rooted in your behavior and has a built-in consequence for those who cross it, rather than a request for other’s to change their behavior.
The next step is to communicate and enforce the boundary - respectfully, but firmly. Often it is best not to over explain, but be clear and concise. For example: “I do not want to talk about that”. The boundary could also be enforced implicitly, for example by changing the subject. If the other person continues to cross the boundary, you may have to enforce it with your presence by leaving the situation.
